I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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