Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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