you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
