I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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