so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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