i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
