I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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