got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
