How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
