it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
