Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
