That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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