i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
