You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
