tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
