Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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