Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
