You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
try to milk me bitch
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