Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
