the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
