I want to have your abortion
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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