In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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