You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
