Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
