my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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