I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
