Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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