omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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