Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
