There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
