You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
