i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
