I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
