Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
