totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
