mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
