I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
