Moan for me like Helen Keller
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just pee around me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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