hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
