By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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