fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found the puke drawer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
