I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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