quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
why is half of my head shaved?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
