he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She needs sedatives and a leash
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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