I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
