Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
