I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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