please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
