Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
