matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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